Tuesday, January 03, 2006

 Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ok... so I go on Thanksgiving break today... I am so glad because I need a break really bad... I need to get focused and back on track and I will be taking alot of work home with me... like everything for the orchestra job.. Oh well. ok... and update on the past few days of mine-
Saturday was ok... the lyric theatre party kinda sucked and Kevin DeVolled smacked my ass (he should be thankful that he was wasted or else he would have been slapped back on the face twice as hard) Someone really needs to talk with him about his behavior while drunk and sober for that matter... his extreeme amounts of hugging and even trying to kiss people get pretty scary and annoying... so if youre a Sinfonian... consider it a brotherly duty of yours to talk to him about it!!! (PLEASE!!!!!)
Sunday I directed Doc's Church Choir... which was my first time ever conducting a real ensemble... and oh man was it invigorating!! I have to say that I wasnt half bad at it either which really makes me happy after seeing muskingum people conduct the WPE and choir in past years and seeing how weak they were as conductors (not everyone, but alot of them) The people in the choir were really really nice and inviting and I would love to go back and do it another time and I would also love to actually attend their church sometime and be in the choir. I have to say that sunday, I felt better about myself and my life than I had in a long time. I have realized how far away from God my life has been traveling and it really scares me. Its not that I do things that would make him upset... I just have stopped devoting time to reading my bible, learning about christianity, doing things that serve God... And I really need to fix that. Alot of it has to do with my falling out with my hometown church... and for decent reasons... I refuse to go to a church that is corrupt and as unchristian as that one was. Im not going to go into detail about that... but trust me... it was pretty bad. So I decided to stop going to that church after 19 years, and about 4 years of playing piano for them, completely on a volunteer basis, although many churches would have paid me $30 a week or more for the work I did... but this church was too greedy to consider paying me... but thats ok.. I enjoyed playing the piano and it was the only reason I continued going there for so long. Oh well... maybe on sunday Ill go back and play a prelude or something for them and see if things have changed. But the moral of that rambling is that I enjoyed going to church on sunday... hahaha
What else is new... Oh yeah... on sunday I really felt happy by talking with Todd... it was the first time I didnt feel uncomfortable in anyway or sad about what had happened and what not. Not that I had before.. just everytime I tlaked to him I thought about what we would be doing if it were a week ago or stuff like that... but on sunday I was just glad to talk to him and cheer on our own football teams and just be us... it was nice :D Im really excited to see where our relationship ends up... I am so excited and I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to get to know him as a friend.

oook... lost track of time... Ive got to head out... matthew's got a band concert tongiht :D woo hoo... 6th grade band.... how fun! lolHAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

personally I thought that what I wrote last night was from my heart... and that it wasnt mean at all and it really explained how I felt. But I guess I need to clear a couple of things up... Todd didnt hurt me by all of this... he did exactly what I asked of him... tell me how he felt and didnt lie to me... not once did he lie to me and he always let me know what was going through his head... So there is the first thing on my list... the second... his away message that said where he was at... also didnt hurt me... why would something that said where he was at hurt me? I dunno... it just simply made me sad because I was suppossed to be there.... but because of recent events couldnt be.... but it didnt hurt me.... my away message was there because of one of my friends from Muskingum said something very mean to me last night and in her away message... someone who I never imagined would say stuff like that..... so yeah. Also... I am happy with how we are now... I am happy that we are being friends... building that relationship first and making it a stong foundation... we both wanted thought we were moving too fast... he just realized it first and I defiantely agreed after he pointed it out... yes it makes me sad that we had to back up and kinda start over... but it would of happened sooner or later and Im very glad it happened sooner than later. I am very lucky to have him as my friend and I do consider him one of my best.... so there is where I stand and Im sorry if I confused anyone.... And writing it all down in the blog has ben very relaxing... I always feel much better when I can talk about something and get it off my chest.... and now Im going to go lock myself in a practice room and work on my jury music and on composing.... Go BUCKS!!!!

OOOOOOK.... so its been a couple days since Ive posted... but that was done purposely. Ive been kinda on the edge of my emotions lately and very confused about everything in my life right now. Have you ever had something within your grasp... not really within your grasp... but in your hands, you are clinging to it and there is no chance that you could lose that... thats how I was with Todd... I NEVER imagined him not being there... especially that soon.... one minute I was grasping to his soft hand for dear life and the next it had slipped out of my reach, and left me all alone, in the cold, without any form of warmth. It was so random, out of nowhere, unexpected... The person that I had grown so close to so quickly and loved every second of it, and had done the same with me was now feeling scared, vulnerable, and nervous about what had grown between us. And, to be honest, I completely understand. I agree with his doubts and new emotions COMPLETELY.... he just got to them sooner than I did because he had time to stop and think about it. And his emotions were intinsified by the fact that he had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship that ended with his girlfriend telling some other guy that she wished he (the other guy) would propose to her before Todd... He wasted 3 years with her. He gave her all of his love, his time, his energy.... He put up with her bitchiness, her rudeness and her bad girlfriend habits for 3 years to be stabbed in the back with that. I dont blame him one bit for being scared out of his mind when he found me... Her COMPLETE opposite. I did things for him out of my heart, because I wanted to... not to get something in return... I actually was able to argue with him about things like football... which despite the fact that I love the browns and he... well.... doesnt... made him so happy.... because I would give anything to spend a day in front of the tv watching football and yelling at the players pointlessly as if our cheering would make a difference... with, of course, a nice cold beer in our hands- that was something that he never experienced with her... she would rather spend a day in the mall than that... The fact that she dated him for 3 years and never bought him a nighmare on elm street poster... I had planned within the first week to get him one for christmas... that was the one poster that he would give anything for... and 3 years of opportunities... no poster... and, the big one... the fact that I WANTED to be friends with his best friend... not because it would. be a good way to get on Todds good side, but because she was freaking awesome... She cares so mauch about him and was such a cool person... I enjoyed talking to her so much and, according to Todd, I talked to his best friend in 3 weeks than his ex did in 3 years... So you get my point... she was nothing like me and he loved it... which made him fall harder, quicker for me. He needed the time to be alone, on his own after getting hurt like that... time to heal... you cant give a heart that is still broken in countless peices to someone new that fast... it just doesnt work that way... and he realized that. So he sent me an e-mail... probally not the best way to go about it.... but it got the point across. I heard him send me a message at 6:30 on wednesday morning... and I immediately got up and read it and the e-mail... and by about the 3rd line I knew exactly what was going on... I began bawling... it took me probally 10 minutes to finish the whole thing and I ran into ryans room sobbing relentlessly. That one e-mail induced so many emotions in my body... saddness, pain, loneliness, confusion... you name it. when I had calmed down I ran back into my room and read the message 3 more times and went and hugged the freshly sprayed pillow that was covered in his cologne... I fell asleep with that tear soaked pillow and woke up an hour later, read it 2 more times and went to class. I was just so confused. I was so scared that he would never want to talk to me agian... and the reason why... because he, for one thought I was in love with him, two, thought that it would take him a long time to feel love towards me, three felt it was unfair to let me feel those emotions towards him but not get them back, and four realized how fast we had gotten to the place we were emotionally. I sent him an e-mail back explaining that I really liked him, but it was too soon for even me to fall in love... that is something that comes with ALOT of time. And spent most of the rest of the day thinking about the fact that I could have lost not only the person that I really liked, but someone who had grown SO close to me as a friend. So when the opportunity to talk to him later in the day came I took it. I was so scared that that would be the last time we would get to talk, ever. But after a good long conversation we had decided on some things. We agreed we were moving too fast, and that his heart couldnt handle that.. we agreed that we would try moving back and being friends first and then when his heart had been given some healing time, we might try being more than friends agian. I am so glad that we both are strong enough and have enough will power to do this. To make a change so large and drastic that is defintely for the better. And, after a few days, I think that we will be able to do it. Although I have a few confessions... It really sucks going from being the center of a persons affections to someone that he cant even say "I miss you" to for fear of reminding himself of the feelings he has for me. Things like that are tough on my heart. But I am more than willing to go through things like that for him. The connection I feel with him is something that in 20 years Ive never EVER even come close to and I know with all of my heart that God gave him to me for a reason. He knew how to make me laugh, smile, feel appreciated, cared for, wanted, needed, and so many other good feelings in such the simplest ways. I would give anything to be with him and to feel those thigns agian, and I am willing to wait a long long time just for the opportunity, the chance of that happening agian. And if it doesnt, Then I will turn to God, broken hearted, but in complete faith that there is a reason for that... and I wont feel like I wasted my time... because I would give all the time in the world to be in his arms one more time. But if he decides that he is ready to be with me and start what we had agian... I will be the happiest person alive and thankful beyond all belief.
But the past few days I have been so confused... I have spent alot of time praying and mostly wondering what I did that was so horrible and wrong to deserve having the man that Ive dreamed about for my entire life in my hands and to have lost him so quickly. Tonight Todds away message said stuff about the concert he was going to... the one that I had ben looking forward to for so long... that brought a tear to my eye... I wanted more than anything to watch this band that was such a huge part of him... But I didnt get to.... but ryan did make me feel better by having roomie time with me where we watched a movie and cuddled and ate popcorn... and it was great... until Zach called and I saw how happy he was... and I couldnt help but think that that was me last week... thats how happy I was and all of those feelings are just replaced with confusion. I know that this is something that will pass with time... Im still just in the initial shock of it all... but it still kinda sucks.... but I will get over it. I am so glad that we are still friends and that he still cares about me and how I feel and whatnot... and I completely understand why things have to be the way they are now... It just kinda bites I guess. But thats life... know it will get better... I trust God that it will. And Todd is worth all of the tears Ive cried all of the sleep Ive lost and all of the emotions that have been running through my head. He is a gift from God, and amazing person, and he deserves the best. I can only hope that I am that.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

So... yesterday I went up and spent the evening with Todd. We went to the OU 110 marching band performance at the ohio theatre... and it actually was really cool. That was my first real experience watching a "dancing" band and man oh man would that take some energy... hahaha. So that was exciting... and it was nice to just fall asleep next to him... and funny story about my sleeping habits... even I have trouble believing this one... OK.. So todd has this Poster collection... as in he has them everywhere and he LOVES them (which is very cool) well... he said last night I sat up in bed and said "Get the poster out from in between your legs" and then I pulled the covers back and started searching in the bed for the poster and trying to get rid of it... he said that he kept telling me that there wasnt a poster there but I kept looking.... So yeah... how crazy am I??? hehehe. So I guess we can add that to the list of weird things I say while sleeping. but Ive figured out that I only talk when I am really comfortable with someone... I dont do it in front of everyone and I have to be in a deep sleep to do it... So thats a great sign in my opinion. So I had a great time last night... and I also found out that touching the posters in the morning is not a good idea... poor slash (hehehe) And despite what I may say, he is an amazing pet owner... always nice and caring and I only tease him about it because I know that its his weak spot... So yeah... Im going to stop now because I could go on forever. So for now Im going to get back to the day care job and send these kids to school... Ill write more later though, probally!

Monday, November 14, 2005

YAY... its over and Im so happy... but yet sad in a way because that was alot of work for just one weekend... but it turned out REALLY well... there werent any major issues and no one died and nothing was stolen. And Ashley, Doc and I are all still alive... and they even went to the chamber ensembles concert last night.... I decided it wasnt such a great idea because I snore pretty loudly and I was exausted. Although Im sure it was a kick ass performance and I am sad that I didnt have the motivation to go to it. Today is the aftershock... my feet hurt my back hurt and Im just kinda out of it... although I did wake up on my own today thanks to Mary Schlacks cancelling my only morning class today and me getting to bed by about 11 last night.
Last night I was going to retract my last blog because I wrote it in a stressed out fury... but I decided not to because that would defeat the whole purpose of a blog... writing what you want when you want. So... today, I would like to thank EVERYONE in the WPE for making time this weekend for youthfest and for the things that it requires... and I want to thank the board for their EXTREEME help... ESPECIALLY ashely who acted as the co-president this weekend, always being helpful. And I want to apologize to anyone who I managed to piss off these past few days... Because Ive heard about a few of them. And Im sorry if I made mistakes... there was alot more work put into this weekend than anyone outside the board would realize. So yeah... just so you know all of the comments that I have heard about me really really hurt my feelings... I could say much more but I am going to leave it at that. So I will mark youthfest 05 down as an extreme success.
Also... the concert the WPE gave on saturday.... WOW. I think my favorite comment about the concert was from Ashley Krieger who said that this was the only instrumental concert that she had been to where she wanted the ensemble to play more. How awesome is that. The music was fun, exciting and difficult... but we managed to give a concert that people loved! I am so proud of not only the upperclassmen but also the frosh who have stepped in and learned their music and notes and can play this music accurately. So congrats on an amazing concert... I was extreemly proud of everyone...
And finally I want to apologize to my roomie... I am so sorry for being a bitch and a nut the past few weeks. And for not doing my share of the chores. Thank you for putting up with me and I LOVE you SOOOO much!!!
Ok... So today I am going to work, class and then maybe Todds then or maybe after WPE... it all depends if he gets back to me or not. But we are going to the ohio theatre to watch the Marching 110 from ohio University since Zach has managed to give us free tickets (I went to HS with Zach) anyhow... so it should be a great day. So... Im heading out... Goodbye everyone!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

oh man.... WHAT A DAY!!! ok... so far... not so bad. We had a small glitch with the fact that rooming didnt work out as expected. As in kids left without telling ANYONE.... which sucks for me considering I worked my ass off putting them in these rooms and they dont even need them. But other than that... everything has been pretty much ok.... other than the fact that I did have a nervous break down tonight after I slammed my finger in a door. And Mike was 25 minutes late for leaving PMA... which pisses me off greatly because they were suppossed to be in bed by 12:30 and they didnt leave by 12:25.... and this is a memeber of our board... who would have thought. And I still dont see a point to hanging up posters the day before a concert... call me crazy...UGH... ok.. Im done with that one.
On top of all this stuff I really miss Todd... its kind of scary that I miss him THIS much. I dont know if its the fact that I would give anything to cuddle up next to him and fall asleep... or if its just that I havent heard his voice since thursday. And I have no way to get ahold of him to make me not want to cry since he dorpped his phone in the toilet and it doesnt work and hes visiting his cousin in North carolina. Soooo.... yeah... on monday... hes all mine. and I can barely wait. I just want to be there with him and feel his presence and see his georgous smile.... oh man I am so freaking sappy tonight. I blame the fact that I am still in my nervous break down and I cant stop crying. anyhow... Im done on here ranting about my evening since I dont want to do it to a real person because I dont want them to think I am bitching... which reminds me... if you do say things about me behind my back watch who you say it around... if you have something to say tell me to my face. There is no need for you to overreact and whatnot. How am I suppossed to stop doing something that gets on your nerves if you dont tell me what Im doing??? and just so you know... there is alot of work that goes into this festival and I believe that I have handled the stress very well. If I would have been Jamie K you would be scared shitless. So yeah. That is my comment of the evening since it is the big thing bugging me right now. Like I was telling a friend before... If youve got a problem with my personality or just me in general... then deal with it... chances are that is me and Im not changing for anyone... However... if you have a problem with how I am being president... just tell me. You may know less than you think... and it really hurts when I hear that people have been talking about the way I am a president... that cuts deep because I dedicate my life and soul to this ensemble. Heck.. Noble was telling me tonight that being president has eaten up my time and I have no life anymore... which is true... I have done everything I can to improve the ensemble.... so yeah. ok... maybe if I stop typing I will stop crying... so Im going to bed... and Im sure Ill have some amazing and happy dreams about cuddling up next to Todd.
Oh yeah... Ill write about the concert we had tomorrow... there is way too much to say in one evening. but I will say ***YAY NICK HESS!!!*** that was one of the most beautiful solos Ive heard here at muskingum!

Goodnight world

Friday, November 11, 2005

There's no place that Far

My away message from last night says it all... "If you think things cant get worse its probally because you lack sufficient imagination." I lack a suffecient imagination. Heck... monday I really lacked it because thats when things started going downhill. This week I have made my arm bleed on the inside giving me a blood blister and it looks like Im a drugie and I wouldnt be surprised if people actually thought that, I have found the world's deepest and musddiest mud hole and stepped right in the middle, I have locked my keys in my car, and the newest eddition to this list... my mom took my key to get a copy made that unlocks my door... but after spending a good few hours in Docs office doing youthfest work I wanted to take a stress relieving drive to clear my mind and to pick up a pair of black closed toed shoes that fit me so I can wear them for saturdays concert... well... I ended up locking my doors and shutting them and locking myself out of my car without a key to open it up. So I called ryan and thankfully he came and picked me up... but I told him not to worry about it until after the play that I would just do some shopping to relieve my stress.... well I didnt realize the play was 2 hrs long and that everything in that area closes at 10.... so I waited outside in the cold for half an hour for him.... but luckily I forsaw being in the cold and I purchased a nice coat since I locked mine in my car (instert pitty laugh now) So since I have an AMAZING roommate and friend, he is letting me borrow his car today and I am going to go meet my parents for lunch and mom is going to give me my key and then Dave.... because he is such a generous person all the time is going to go late to his after play party and bring me back to zanesville to get my car... What would I do without such amazing friends????? THANK YOU!!!! So yeah... I defiantely feel like one of the stupidest people alive. But dave insists that its not me being stupid its just bad luck.... but Im not convinced of that one. Oh well....
So... on a more stressful note... TOMORROW IS YOUTHFEST.... omg its finally here... the things we've been planning since september. I have put so much thought into making it goes smoothly and I have to say that Doc is right... my big problem is that I cant delegate power. But Ive been doing my best... I gave julie watts ALOT to do... but she is responsible and got them all done and that makes me SOOO happy. Kellie has been extreemly helpful too. and Colleen is all on top of this fundraising... Kevin is still getting in the groove of the board and has been very helpful in stepping in where needed. Ashley is just the bomb diggetty and is Docs secretary so shes already doing her fair share of youthfest stuff.... but damn that pr that never gets done. Taking on alot of responsibilities is ok... if you can get them all done!... The concert posters for the WPE concert were not hung up and printed by our pr person... they were done by the secretary because our PR person said he would get around to it... He said that he was going to hang up some a few days ago but I am yet to see them anywhere. ugh... it drives me nuts. ok... Im done on that one.
hmm... other things... I miss Todd... alot... but thats expected I guess. Someone so amazing is easy to miss. and he decided to give his cell phone a bath in the toilet so I cant hear his voice till he gets another one :( ugh.... oh well...Ive got plenty of memories to hold me over plus I get to see him on monday! MWAH!!
But no matter how much bad luck Ive had the past week its nothing compared to the shit todd and his family are going through right now... so to avoid going into details that hes shared with me that I doubt he wants me to post Im going to give him and his mom a virtual hug! ***HUUUUUUG*** It will all get better.... Im sure... God knows what hes doing!

Ok... so its bed time... 5 hrs till I have to get up... sooooo...yeah.... wish me luck.. goodnight world

I cant imagine, any greater fear
thank waking up, without you here
And though the sun, will still shine on
My whole world, would all be gone
But not for long,

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
just to climb a thoussand walls
Always know that I will fina way,
to get to where you are.
There's no place that far.

It wouldnt matter, Why we're apart
Lonely miles or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of Goad above
could turn me away from your love
I need you that much

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had tos wim a hundred rivers
just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I will find a way
to get to where you are
there's no place that far

~~~recorded by Sara Evans :) ~~~

There's no place that Far

My away message from last night says it all... "If you think things cant get worse its probally because you lack sufficient imagination." I lack a suffecient imagination. Heck... monday I really lacked it because thats when things started going downhill. This week I have made my arm bleed on the inside giving me a blood blister and it looks like Im a drugie and I wouldnt be surprised if people actually thought that, I have found the world's deepest and musddiest mud hole and stepped right in the middle, I have locked my keys in my car, and the newest eddition to this list... my mom took my key to get a copy made that unlocks my door... but after spending a good few hours in Docs office doing youthfest work I wanted to take a stress relieving drive to clear my mind and to pick up a pair of black closed toed shoes that fit me so I can wear them for saturdays concert... well... I ended up locking my doors and shutting them and locking myself out of my car without a key to open it up. So I called ryan and thankfully he came and picked me up... but I told him not to worry about it until after the play that I would just do some shopping to relieve my stress.... well I didnt realize the play was 2 hrs long and that everything in that area closes at 10.... so I waited outside in the cold for half an hour for him.... but luckily I forsaw being in the cold and I purchased a nice coat since I locked mine in my car (instert pitty laugh now) So since I have an AMAZING roommate and friend, he is letting me borrow his car today and I am going to go meet my parents for lunch and mom is going to give me my key and then Dave.... because he is such a generous person all the time is going to go late to his after play party and bring me back to zanesville to get my car... What would I do without such amazing friends????? THANK YOU!!!! So yeah... I defiantely feel like one of the stupidest people alive. But dave insists that its not me being stupid its just bad luck.... but Im not convinced of that one. Oh well....
So... on a more stressful note... TOMORROW IS YOUTHFEST.... omg its finally here... the things we've been planning since september. I have put so much thought into making it goes smoothly and I have to say that Doc is right... my big problem is that I cant delegate power. But Ive been doing my best... I gave julie watts ALOT to do... but she is responsible and got them all done and that makes me SOOO happy. Kellie has been extreemly helpful too. and Colleen is all on top of this fundraising... Kevin is still getting in the groove of the board and has been very helpful in stepping in where needed. Ashley is just the bomb diggetty and is Docs secretary so shes already doing her fair share of youthfest stuff.... but damn that pr that never gets done. Taking on alot of responsibilities is ok... if you can get them all done!... The concert posters for the WPE concert were not hung up and printed by our pr person... they were done by the secretary because our PR person said he would get around to it... He said that he was going to hang up some a few days ago but I am yet to see them anywhere. ugh... it drives me nuts. ok... Im done on that one.
hmm... other things... I miss Todd... alot... but thats expected I guess. Someone so amazing is easy to miss. and he decided to give his cell phone a bath in the toilet so I cant hear his voice till he gets another one :( ugh.... oh well...Ive got plenty of memories to hold me over plus I get to see him on monday! MWAH!!
I really hope that his brother gets straightened out.. the last thing Todd or his family or his mother deserves is what they are going through. These people are TOO amazing to be used in these ways. So no matter how bad my luck has been these past few days Todd's stories have made me realize that what Im going through isnt all that bad. At least my brother is still on the "good" track and not hurting my family anymore. (knock on wood) SO I am giving a virtual hug to Todd and his family for this stress hes going through ***HUG***.... but its why God allowed the creation of Blue moon!!!

Ok... so its bed time... 5 hrs till I have to get up... sooooo...yeah.... wish me luck.. goodnight world

I cant imagine, any greater fear
thank waking up, without you here
And though the sun, will still shine on
My whole world, would all be gone
But not for long,

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
just to climb a thoussand walls
Always know that I will fina way,
to get to where you are.
There's no place that far.

It wouldnt matter, Why we're apart
Lonely miles or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of Goad above
could turn me away from your love
I need you that much

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had tos wim a hundred rivers
just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I will find a way
to get to where you are
there's no place that far

~~~recorded by Sara Evans :) ~~~

There's no place that Far

My away message from last night says it all... "If you think things cant get worse its probally because you lack sufficient imagination." I lack a suffecient imagination. Heck... monday I really lacked it because thats when things started going downhill. This week I have made my arm bleed on the inside giving me a blood blister and it looks like Im a drugie and I wouldnt be surprised if people actually thought that, I have found the world's deepest and musddiest mud hole and stepped right in the middle, I have locked my keys in my car, and the newest eddition to this list... my mom took my key to get a copy made that unlocks my door... but after spending a good few hours in Docs office doing youthfest work I wanted to take a stress relieving drive to clear my mind and to pick up a pair of black closed toed shoes that fit me so I can wear them for saturdays concert... well... I ended up locking my doors and shutting them and locking myself out of my car without a key to open it up. So I called ryan and thankfully he came and picked me up... but I told him not to worry about it until after the play that I would just do some shopping to relieve my stress.... well I didnt realize the play was 2 hrs long and that everything in that area closes at 10.... so I waited outside in the cold for half an hour for him.... but luckily I forsaw being in the cold and I purchased a nice coat since I locked mine in my car (instert pitty laugh now) So since I have an AMAZING roommate and friend, he is letting me borrow his car today and I am going to go meet my parents for lunch and mom is going to give me my key and then Dave.... because he is such a generous person all the time is going to go late to his after play party and bring me back to zanesville to get my car... What would I do without such amazing friends????? THANK YOU!!!! So yeah... I defiantely feel like one of the stupidest people alive. But dave insists that its not me being stupid its just bad luck.... but Im not convinced of that one. Oh well....
So... on a more stressful note... TOMORROW IS YOUTHFEST.... omg its finally here... the things we've been planning since september. I have put so much thought into making it goes smoothly and I have to say that Doc is right... my big problem is that I cant delegate power. But Ive been doing my best... I gave julie watts ALOT to do... but she is responsible and got them all done and that makes me SOOO happy. Kellie has been extreemly helpful too. and Colleen is all on top of this fundraising... Kevin is still getting in the groove of the board and has been very helpful in stepping in where needed. Ashley is just the bomb diggetty and is Docs secretary so shes already doing her fair share of youthfest stuff.... but damn that pr that never gets done. Taking on alot of responsibilities is ok... if you can get them all done!... The concert posters for the WPE concert were not hung up and printed by our pr person... they were done by the secretary because our PR person said he would get around to it... He said that he was going to hang up some a few days ago but I am yet to see them anywhere. ugh... it drives me nuts. ok... Im done on that one.
hmm... other things... I miss Todd... alot... but thats expected I guess. Someone so amazing is easy to miss. and he decided to give his cell phone a bath in the toilet so I cant hear his voice till he gets another one :( ugh.... oh well...Ive got plenty of memories to hold me over plus I get to see him on monday! MWAH!!
I really hope that his brother gets straightened out.. the last thing Todd or his family or his mother deserves is what they are going through. These people are TOO amazing to be used in these ways. So no matter how bad my luck has been these past few days Todd's stories have made me realize that what Im going through isnt all that bad. At least my brother is still on the "good" track and not hurting my family anymore. (knock on wood) SO I am giving a virtual hug to Todd and his family for this stress hes going through ***HUG***.... but its why God allowed the creation of Blue moon!!!

Ok... so its bed time... 5 hrs till I have to get up... sooooo...yeah.... wish me luck.. goodnight world

I cant imagine, any greater fear
thank waking up, without you here
And though the sun, will still shine on
My whole world, would all be gone
But not for long,

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers,
just to climb a thoussand walls
Always know that I will fina way,
to get to where you are.
There's no place that far.

It wouldnt matter, Why we're apart
Lonely miles or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of Goad above
could turn me away from your love
I need you that much

If I had to run, If I had to crawl
If I had tos wim a hundred rivers
just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I will find a way
to get to where you are
there's no place that far

~~~recorded by Sara Evans :) ~~~